“I told it not, my wrath did grow.”

I was angry with my friend; 

I told my wrath, my wrath did end. 

I was angry with my foe: 

I told it not, my wrath did grow. 

And I waterd it in fears, 

Night & morning with my tears: 

And I sunned it with smiles, 

And with soft deceitful wiles. 

And it grew both day and night. 

Till it bore an apple bright. 

And my foe beheld it shine, 

And he knew that it was mine. 

And into my garden stole, 

When the night had veild the pole; 

In the morning glad I see; 

My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

William Blake

Anger, or perhaps I should say rage, has been a familiar, recurrent emotion in my life. As William Blake says, “And I waterd it in fears, Night & morning with my tears”. My anger masked a fear I was not good enough. It masked confusion, uncertainty. It was a way to be tough, resilient in the face of my failure to be calm and controlled. It was also, importantly, a way to assert my independence.

I was raised in a space that prized intellect moderation, reason. Conflict was to be avoided. Rational discussion was the way forward and there was much good in this approach. I could trust the environment. It was consistent and safe. But in the face of overwhelm or injustice it had nothing to offer but silence. Anger was to be swallowed or disguised. Instead of being able to say I am not okay with this, the message was ‘be okay, don’t disrupt.’

Suppressed anger does not remain quiet. Over time, it builds pressure. What begins as a flicker can become a wildfire. When it finally surfaces, it is often explosive and destructive, not because anger itself is inherently harmful, but because it has been denied space to be understood and expressed. “I told it not, my wrath did grow.”

The anger itself, though, is not a character flaw. It is a vital human emotion. It signals something is wrong — a boundary has been crossed, that we have been hurt, or that something we value is under threat. To ignore anger is to ignore an important message from within ourselves.

Few of us truly want to see “My foe outstretched beneath the tree.” So, engaging with anger is essential. It can be transformed from a rage that can feel terrifying for everyone into an anger that is quieter but much more powerful as it becomes clear and focused. In time we can respond rather than react.

As a therapist I have met many clients who are terrified of the imagined destructive power of their anger. They need me to be comfortable and solid in the face of this, able to weather the storm and be there for them when it passes, as it surely will. They need me to have the courage to stay.